Dragons, meet God
by Racke
Summary: What happens when Haruhi watches a movie about a magical kingdom?


Dragons, meet God

Summary: What happens when Haruhi watches a movie about a magical kingdom.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

---

"This was a time when knights in shining armor fought for the wishes of their kings and ancient dragons soared through the heavens."

I have to admit that I've never seen how a guy wearing shining metal plates could ever be considered charming at all.

In fact, from what I've learned, I think that if anything it should be more of a deterrent, considering the fact that it would be close to impossible to clean, hard to take off and would probably smell really unpleasant, even to the person wearing it.

Despite this it seemed like female of all ages dreamt of meeting one, although I have to admit that to some unique cases it might simply be the fact that they sparkle when placed in the sun, I wonder how long I could distract Haruhi using a similar technique.

Ignoring the part about smelly, sparkling men who fight with each other, I divert my thought process to the latter part of the sentence.

Because at the mentioning of gigantic mythical beasts flying through the sky I couldn't help but glance somewhat nervously at our fearless Brigade leader, who, as you might have guessed, was listening intently to the story of a knight in a time long, long ago, in a land far, far away.

The specifics are lost to me as I pray desperately, to any god that might be out there listening, for Haruhi not to create giant lizards that soar through the sky, in fact I was praying that she wouldn't create any gigantic lizards at all, including those that couldn't fly.

I look around towards the other Brigade members, hoping to gauge their take on this possible emergency.

Koizumi is smiling, wow, that's _completely_ unexpected. I wonder if it's possible to actually glue your face stuck into a particular expression, but I'm getting of topic.

Mikuru seems to be completely amazed by the knight in shining armor appearing on the screen, I'm being torn between how adorable she's looking with those sparkling eyes and by how jealous I am of the guy that's making her show that expression.

Nagato, a deadpan expression like always.

I wonder what kind of scene would happen if she were ever saved from a dragon by a knight in shining armor, I mean Mikuru, for example, would make a perfect damsel in distress.

Haruhi on the other hand would probably start yelling at the knight for killing off the dragon that had held her captive, I just happen to doubt that she would find a knight in shining armor to be nearly as interesting as a dragon that could breathe fire.

But what about Nagato? How would she react to being rescued in such a manner?

Of course there is the obvious fact that she really wouldn't need to get rescued, being Nagato and all, but what if? Would she simply nod, close the book she happened to be reading at the time and then get ready to leave, like she does when our club meetings end?

Well I guess there's really no way to know.

The movie was decent, admittedly I didn't pay much attention to it since I was concentrating on different ways to convince Haruhi that dragons were creatures that would _not_ be interesting to meet, even if they did happen to breathe fire.

The reason for me saying that the movie was decent was probably mostly based on the way the rest of the Brigade acted once it had ended.

Nagato opened the book she had had in her lap throughout the film, and started reading, so the world wasn't coming to an end, at least not for another hour or so.

Asahina looked a bit dazzled by the romantic ending scene and was, for now, lost in thought, a very cute expression on her face. Clearly this is a plus for the movie.

Haruhi complained loudly about the killing of the dragon. Yes sometimes even I am shocked by my insight into the strange psyche of our fearless leader, then again this is how she usually reacts when someone in the movies ends up vanquishing any strange phenomena.

Koizumi was, with a smile, apologizing on behalf of the filmmakers to the source of most of the noise in the room. He didn't look too stressed, so I figured there wouldn't be any serious closed spaces, even if she did happen to be kind of upset at the moment.

---

How do you hide a 50 feet long lizard?

What does such a big lizard eat?

I wonder if wings like those are actually large enough to enable it to fly?

The fire extinguisher is downstairs, I wonder how long it will take for me to get to it, should an emergency occur.

These were the kind of thoughts that passed through my head the next morning as I wake up.

'I should have probably been more worried yesterday.' Was another thought that passed through my head as I stared at what could only be described as a dragon.

I wonder if the neighbors have noticed it yet.

As I dial Koizumi, he was probably the only one who would explain the current situation in a way that I could understand, I curse the gods who didn't listen to my plea yesterday. Admittedly I cursed one god more than the others, the one who was directly responsible for this latest turn of events. Haruhi.

As I continue my search for the perfect curse words to describe the Brigade's resident god, I realize that, for reasons that I at the moment is unable to understand, there doesn't seem to be any reception.

This causes me to scratch my head in confusion.

What the hell?

For the first time since waking up I start to look around at the place that I had previously assumed was my room.

Apparently I had been wrong in assuming something as simple as: 'When you wake up, you will wake up in the proximity of where you went to sleep.'

I am inside of _a_ room, but isn't _my_ room. In fact, other than the obvious things that make a room a room, it doesn't even hold the slightest resemblance to my room.

The room is pretty big with a few windows, one of which showed the dragon that I had previously assumed was my only problem, neither of the windows seemed to have any glass in them, and through them I could see that there didn't seem to be any civilization worth noting in the proximity.

Over by one of the walls there seemed to be an armor, very similar to the ones that I had seen the knights wearing in the movie that we in the Brigade watched yesterday, and, compared to the rest of the dusty old room, the armor looks to be in almost perfect condition.

A thought crosses my head. Am I supposed to wear that?

Just as I am about to complain about the random ideas of the Brigade's very own resident god, there is a loud rumbling noise as the dragon outside the window turns to face me.

So, this is how I'm going to die?

I can't really say that I'm surprised about this outcome, I've always known that Haruhi would be the death of me, but I can't help but feel somewhat disappointed about all the different things I still haven't experienced yet and that, considering the situation, I apparently won't have a chance at experiencing.

"Hello."

Farewell cruel world. I just wished that I would've been able to drink Asahina's angelic tea one more time…

Wait. What?

The voice that had spoken reminded me a lot of the voice of your everyday old man, which was strange, considering that:

Number one, there was no old man in the vicinity.

Number two, I had a feeling that, despite understanding perfectly what the voice said, I'd never heard the language in which the voice spoke.

"Umm… hello?"

The dragon in front of my face looked at me with curious eyes, which was somewhat of a relief, since if he looked curious he might not decide to eat me.

"Who might you be?" there was no malice in the dragon's voice, just a friendly curiosity.

"I'm Kyon."

Wait, why did I introduce myself using my nickname? Oh well, I guess I'm not cut out for having a real name.

"Kyon? What an odd name…"

You're telling me.

"Well I believe I should introduce myself as well, my name is Alice."

I see so the dragon is named Alice… are you serious? Who the hell would name a dragon Alice!? Before I even begin to comment on the very normal sounding name on this very non normal creature, I first have to ask myself.

Isn't Alice a girl's name?

"So," the dragon started, "what brings you to this place, young Kyon?"

"I woke up here," the dragon blinked, obviously confused by this.

"Then where did you go to sleep?"

"In my bed," as Alice looked like he was going to scratch his head in a futile attempt at clearing away his own confusion, I continued, "but considering my past experiences I'd guess that Haruhi was the one who brought me here."

"Haruhi? Who is this Haruhi who can bring you, still sleeping, to a place like this?"

I looked at the dragon that stood before me.

"It's a bit complicated, just trust me when I say that she could, and would probably do it."

"Why would she do something like that?"

"Hell if I know, I think she just enjoys watching me in pain," Alice raised an eyebrow at this, leaving me a bit shocked since I didn't have a clue that dragons were capable of doing that.

"And exactly what is your relationship with such a girl?" I might have enjoyed being able to see an expression of mirth on a gigantic lizard's face, if the source of it's mirth hadn't happened to be me.

"She's our Brigade chief," that came pretty close to summing up my relationship with Haruhi, mostly because it reminded me of all the times she had bossed me into doing all sorts of physical labor using said title.

"Brigade? What is the name of this brigade?"

"The 'SOS Brigade', it stands for 'Saving the world be Overloading it with fun Haruhi Suzumiya's Brigade'," the dragon seemed speechless, "Did I mention that she's somewhat of an eccentric?" I add, with a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I see. So this Haruhi, somehow transported you from your bed, to here, because she thought that it might be fun?" I couldn't help but smile at the doubt in Alice's voice.

"Yeah that pretty much sums it up."

The poor dragon looked very confused.

"Don't think about it to much, you'll just get a headache. I should know, after all, I'm the only one that ever tries to stand up to her."

"Well then I guess I should take your word for it," Alice looked to be feeling an interesting mixture of bewilderment, amusement and relief.

---

I guess dragons can be kind of nice to talk to, once you get to know them and no longer feel that they might decide to eat you for a snack.

Alice explained to me that the place that we were currently located in, was the ruins of a long since fallen city. He also explained his own reasons for coming to such a desolate place, apparently the friendly dragon didn't really get along with most of the human populace, something about being carnivorous and _very_ hard to kill just didn't sit well with most people.

I wasn't really surprised by the attitude of the humans, after all I had thought the same way before I met Alice. What really surprised me about his stories was the fact that he was in fact _vegetarian_. Not herbivorous like cows or anything like that, he simply didn't enjoy the taste of meat, so he didn't eat it.

Odd as this might seem I didn't really feel like arguing with him about it, for obvious reasons, he did have _awfully_ sharp teeth.

The fact that the city had long since been abandoned, only served to increase my suspicions about the armor which seemed to be, although clearly used, in surprisingly good condition. I'm guessing that, for some reason, Haruhi wants me to wear it.

Whether this is because she wants me to be someone's 'knight in shining armor' or if she at some subconscious level realizes that, in a world like this, it's very dangerous to walk around unarmed and that she doesn't want me to actually die, I don't know.

I don't know how a dragon learns how to dress up in armor, but apparently Alice seemed to know the workings of the metallic suit, as he decided to help me put it on.

This consisted mostly of him instructing me on the various things to do, whilst I complained about the fact that whoever designed these things, clearly hadn't thought about the possibility of someone trying to dress themselves in it, forcing me to experience a very painful amount of stretching and cramping to get to the places that were needed to.

"Well, you look quite knightly wearing that," Alice commented with what sounded very similar to a small chuckle, "I admit that I didn't think you would be suited for something like that."

"Neither did I, in fact I still don't," I move around a little, making a number of metallic noises as I do, "Damn this thing is heavy…"

"Why, of course, it's made out of metal after all," the dragon looked curiously at me, "But it seems to be designed specifically for you. All of this makes me think that I would like to meet this Haruhi that you say is responsible for your current predicament."

I look at the dragon with tired eyes.

"Trust me, you'll regret it," Alice laughs in response.

"Maybe so, but I won't know that until I've already met her," the dragon looks at me with what would be best described as excitement, "Now, should we start out on this quest of yours?"

"We?"

"I've spent a very long time in these ruins, it gets boring after a while, and as I've said before, I really would like to meet this Haruhi that you're looking for."

My head hurts.

---

Thankfully Alice allowed me to ride on him, otherwise I would've probably died from exhaustion before making it out of the city. This thing is _heavy_.

"So," despite soaring through the sky at an amazing speed Alice's voice is still easily discerned from the wind, "where do you think Haruhi is?"

That's a good question.

What place would a bossy girl go to in a world ruled almost entirely by men?

Maybe she'd declare herself queen or something… that sounded disturbingly plausible.

"Do you know of any nearby castles?!" I shout in response to the dragon's question.

"Well, I wouldn't call it nearby, it'll take a few hours for me to get there, but I'd rather not arrive when the sun is still up since it's in the middle of a town."

I can understand that, even if Alice happened to be vegetarian, he was still a dragon and would probably be attacked at sight.

"Then do you have somewhere you'd like to go to while we wait for it to get dark!?"

Alice 'hums' thoughtfully.

"There is one place that I haven't visited for a while, let's stop by there," the dragon ends his sentence by veering off in a slightly different direction.

---

The place Alice brought us to was a mountain, when I asked him why he had chosen this place, he answered by telling me that his uncle George, whom he hadn't visited for quite some time, lived close by.

Apparently Alice's vegetarian inclination did not go in the family, meaning that I would probably be eaten on the spot if I were to follow him, instead Alice decided to drop me off near a small village.

It really wasn't a big village, and I couldn't help but wonder how they'd react to seeing someone dressed as a knight.

After considering many different scenarios, I decided that it would probably not be a good idea, only partly because the armor in question weighed a ton and I really didn't want to walk around in it any more than necessary.

Because of this I began the very uncomfortable, but also rewarding – at least to every part of me that struggled against gravity – process of removing my armor. However, uncertain of the friendliness of whatever people I might encounter, it seemed impossible to part with my newly acquired sword. So I hid the armor under a mixture of vegetation and rocks, and went down towards the village with the sword still hanging at my hip.

Who would've thought that even a sheathed sword can be so troublesome to walk with.

To keep it from tangling itself with my legs and sending me falling, I was forced to always keep one hand on the sword, meaning that I only had one hand for whatever tasks presented themselves on my way.

It was also very heavy, this uneven weight distribution soon created something of a limp, which was only made worse as I continued the trek towards my goal.

---

"I see, so you're searching for your friends."

"Yeah, they might have ended up in this country somewhere. Has there been any new people showing up lately?"

The old man looked thoughtful.

"Well, there was one young lady. She was quite a beauty, but she almost looked as if she was completely void of emotions."

Young lady… seemingly devoid of emotions…

"Nagato?"

"Ah, you know her?"

"Yes, do you know where she is now?"

"She left for the nearby lake a little while ago," the old man pointed towards a road, "that road would lead you straight there."

"Thank you."

I bowed politely at the old man, and then went down the road that he had indicated.

---

I've never been a big fan of walking, even when the ground is flat under my feet. The whole thing isn't made any easier by having this sword weighing down one of my hips.

Well at least I was able to rest at the old mans place for a while before setting out again, this time with a clearer goal in mind.

As I continue down the road I can't help but sigh, and then out of nowhere I see another human shape traveling the road.

Huh…? Is that…? It is!

"Nagato!"

The small girl turns towards me, whether or not she's surprised by my sudden appearance is something that I can't notice at this distance.

As I look at the alien from a closer perspective I realize that she isn't wearing her normal North High uniform. Instead she's wearing something similar to what the farmers had been wearing in that annoying movie the Brigade watched.

She looks at me, her eyes lingering at the sword on my hip for only an instant.

"Do you know why we're here?"

"It is Haruhi Suzumiya's wish."

Really, the thought hadn't crossed my mind…

"I meant, how do we get back home?" she blinks

"Unknown."

Well that's helpful. Well I guess I can't blame her, who can figure out what goes on inside the head of that crazy Brigade leader of ours.

"Then, do you know if anyone else except for us came here?"

"The members of what Haruhi Suzumiya refers to as the SOS Brigade, have all entered into this world, exact location however, is unknown."

So the SOS Brigade is all here… Wait. Doesn't that mean… Asahina is somewhere out there…? Suddenly I'm starting to worry, I hope she doesn't get hurt.

Nagato had decided to continue towards the lake and since I didn't have anything else to do, and since I didn't want to be left on my own, I tagged along.

The walk was tiring, although it seemed like I'd gotten used to walking with this odd weight at my hip, making it much more comfortable than I had feared that it'd be.

"So, Nagato," she doesn't give any indications that she's listening, but that's normal for her, "do you have any ideas on where the other Brigade members might be?"

"None."

I should've known she'd say something like that. Oh well, I guess it was worth a try.

"Why are we going towards the lake anyway?"

She stopped walking and turned towards me. Is that confusion?

"The reason is unknown."

Okay. Now _I'm_ confused.

"Then, why?"

"I want to," I blinked, shocked at what the stoic alien had just said.

"I see," I begin walking again, "Then lets go."

There is a moment of hesitation, and then I can hear Nagato's footsteps once more.

---

I stare in disbelief at the gigantic form in front of us.

"Didn't we defeat that thing already?"

"That is incorrect. Although they are visually similar there is no relation between this creature and the one we fought with before."

Well, that's all well and good, but why the hell does these things happen to _me_?! Oh, yeah, right. I mentioned Haruhi's hair, back when I was still young and foolish.

The giant cricket charged at us, and I ran and hid amongst the trees. I know that it was a cowardly thing to do, but can you really blame me?

I wonder how Nagato is doing… I look at the person standing next to me, and imagine my surprise.

"Nagato…? Why are you…?"

Shouldn't you be over there, with the cricket thingy, beating it to a pulp?

"I'm unable to manipulate the data of this world."

Eh…? Nagato?

"What does that mean?"

"It means that my powers do not work in this world."

I see… wait.

"So you're no different from an ordinary human?"

"That is correct."

"I see…" I look at Nagato, trying to understand exactly what's going through her head at the moment, "You wouldn't happen to know of any escape paths?"

"There are none."

Well that's comforting. I look back towards the giant cricket.

I wonder if Haruhi has some sort of fondness for bugs?

Damnit, I'm getting sidetracked.

"So we have to somehow defeat it?" I'm a bit surprised that my voice doesn't shake when I say it, maybe Nagato's calm is somehow rubbing off on me, "How do we do that?"

"I'm unable to defeat it," she looks at me and I think I can detect the slightest bit of… is that curiosity or frustration?

A sudden thought occurs to me.

"You say that _you're_ unable to defeat it," she nods, "Does that mean that _I_ might be able to defeat it?" she blinks.

"It is possible, if that is Haruhi Suzumiya's wish."

"Well then, let's hope that it is."

I admit that, although I complain about the messes she gets me into, sometimes, it's nice to have a god on your side.

As the cricket advances, I draw my sword.

Huh?

The sword doesn't feel at all as heavy as it did when I was carrying it in it's scabbard, in fact, it feels like it's about the same weight as a feather. I would've probably been more shocked at this if it weren't for the giant cricket charging towards us.

Have you ever felt like your head went completely blank?

Not like the times when you're having a test and realize that you've got no idea what it's about. More like arriving at school only to start wondering if you actually walked through the front door of your home at all.

This was one of those moments.

I look at the giant cricket laying at my feet.

That sort of gives a wrong impression, maybe it should be better described as.

I looked at the _two halves_ of the giant cricket that lay by my feet.

"What… just… happened…?"

"Well you were sort of just standing there, so I figured I'd cut it in half," Nagato blinks, while I simply stare in a mixture of disbelief, realization, terror and a slight hint of depression at the owner of the voice.

My sword… talks…

I guess I should've known, there's no way Haruhi would've given me a _normal_ sword.

"So," the swords asks "who are you?"

"Me?" as I look at the talking sword in my hand I can't help but wonder if this is a good or a bad thing, "Well I guess you could call me Kyon, it's not like anyone even remembers my real name."

"Well then, master Kyon, my name is… umm…" the sword appeared to be slightly confused, "uhh… I forgot."

"You _forgot_?"

"Well you know how it is, one moment your surrounded by pretty ladies and the next your surrounded by nothing but smelly old men."

That makes no sense and it's got nothing to do with anything!

"You see, I had a name, back in my golden days of women, but the emotional trauma of going to war has made me forget what it was."

Somehow I get the feeling you aren't talking about the fighting, but rather the fact that you weren't be surrounded by women…

"Speaking of which, might I ask for your name beautiful young lady?" the sword had turned it's attention towards Nagato, and actually seemed to be _flirting_ with her.

"Nagato Yuki."

The silence after Nagato's emotionless introduction, was deafening.

"Miss Yuki then, what a lovely name, it suits you very well."

At this moment I was struggling between throwing the sword as far as I could, hoping that that would be the last I'd see of him. Trying to somehow sheath the noisy sword, preferably with as much violence as possible. And finally, laughing hysterically at the womanizing sword's feeble attempts to flirt with the famously stoic, Nagato.

---

After passing by briefly at the lake, after all, Nagato had said that she wanted to go there, we began the trek towards the place where I had hid my armor. It wasn't that I really missed the thing, in fact, it was quite the opposite, but it was the same place that I had promised to meet back up with Alice, and I figured that it might prove to be useful sooner or later.

Once I had uncovered the, still just as heavy, armor, Nagato inspected it with what looked like curiosity.

Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one to notice this. The sword seemed to be very perceptive when it came to females and began telling tales of the brilliance of glistening swords and armors. Which was very annoying, since most of the tales were told in a kind of weird song like tone, though this might have been fine had it not been for the fact that the sword was a _terrible_ singer. His singing voice kind of reminded me of fingernails on a blackboard.

"Oh my," says a loud rumbling voice as the wind suddenly picks up, "Who is that dreadful singer?" I look up at the dragon that's just landed next to us.

"The singer is my sword. Apparently he's tone deaf," Nagato reacted to the appearing of the dragon with an expression that said absolutely nothing at all, the sword on the other hand broke of his singing and started to yell incomprehensibly about violent things, "He's kind of rude, but he did save mine and Nagato's lives so I hope you don't mind."

Alice chuckled at the swords reaction and then turned towards Nagato.

"So you're one of young Kyon's friends?" there was a slight nod as a response, "I see, well then, get up, we've got a castle to visit," he ended the sentence by lowering himself, making it easier to climb onto his back.

I decided to simply hold on to the armor, and sheathed the sword, by the way, apparently that didn't stop it from talking, I'd tried earlier but he'd been too busy flirting with Nagato to allow himself to be sheathed. I wonder if he's actually afraid of Alice, not that I can blame him if he was, but it was still an odd thought.

---

The castle was a very impressing sight, although I do admit that it could have easily been more so, all you had to do was to simply remove the odor covering it and presto. I guess I'm getting a bit of track again, but the smell really was revolting to say the least.

"So," I said as I tried my best to ignore the smell surrounding this place, "does anyone have a plan to get inside of the castle?"

Silence was my only answer.

Well then I guess it's up to me to find some way _inside_ of something that is designed to keep others _out_. Well, since there's no way we're ever going to sneak, or fight, our way past any of their defenses, I guess we'll just have to knock on their gates and hope for the best.

"Nagato?" the alien blinks, "Could you help me put this on?" I hold up the heavy armor.

"Hmm? Why are you putting on your armor? I thought that you hated wearing it," Alice voice breaks through the silence surrounding us with a valid argument, I _really_ hate this thing.

"I think that if I'm wearing this, it'll be easier to convince the guards to open the gates for me."

Of course there was always the chance that they'd see me as a threat and attack me, but I didn't say that out loud.

As Nagato began to help me with the armor, Alice still gave directions, which she followed effortlessly, I was surprised to realize that compared to the pain that my previous experience with putting this thing on had been, this time it was actually somewhat comfortable. With the exception of the way my entire body was reminded that gravity is very much real, even if the armor you happened to be wearing was given to you by a goddess.

I guess this means that these things really were designed to be put on by someone other than the wearer.

---

"… and she's been talking about all of this being just a dream ever since," finished the guard.

It had been a little uncomfortable to knock on the castles gates in the middle of the night and ask the guards if there had been some strange occurrence that had happened recently.

It had paid of though, since apparently one of the princesses had begun behaving very peculiarly recently. The castle and it's inhabitants had been trying to understand exactly what had happened, but had as of yet they'd all drawn blanks as to why the princess suddenly began to act so strangely.

Nagato had somehow managed to locate the castle's library only a few minutes after entering and was at this moment reading in a corner, oblivious to the rest of the world.

"A dream?" the guard nodded.

"Indeed sir Kyon."

Disturbing as it might seem, I was actually starting to get used to everyone treating 'Kyon' as my real name, but someone actually adding a 'sir' to this nickname of mine was enough to make me cringe a little.

"I wonder if I can somehow meet with her," the guard gave me an odd look.

"It would be better for your health if you did not, she has already injured several of those tasked with protecting her."

I wonder if it's bad if you can't decide whether to sigh or smile at Haruhi's violent tendencies. In the end I decided to do neither.

"Well I can't help but be curious, and besides, Nagato is good at curing people," well at least she's managed to cure two dogs from the 'Sunny Cat Disease' so it's not a _complete_ lie, "maybe she can somehow be of assistance?" the guard looked at me with some surprise.

"That young woman that you're traveling with?" I nodded, "I'll ask the king and queen of their opinion."

Well, that takes care of that. Now, all that's left if to wait for their decision.

Their reply came within the hour.

---

The king and queen seemed to be truly worried about the actions of their daughter and led Nagato and me, I'd been able to take off that heavy armor of mine not long after entering the castle and for once I wasn't complaining, even in my mind, about the numbers of stairs that I had to climb to get to our destination.

As I opened the door I heard something moving on the other side, let's hope that it's nothing more than Haruhi, otherwise this will probably be painful.

I swung open the door.

"Kyon!!"

Ah, that demanding and obnoxiously loud voice couldn't belong to anyone but our fearless Brigade leader. I mean, is it really necessary to crack the eardrums of anyone within a mile's radius, just because she felt like it?

"Where the _hell_ have you been!?"

I was going to say something sarcastic about appreciating others, but she kicked me in the stomach before I could respond. So instead, I settled for a loud gurgling noise, with just a hint of surprise, anger, pain and, finally, a touch of saliva, much to Haruhi's annoyance.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, splattering drool all over your Brigade leader!?"

Despite the pain I feel, and the fact that I've just been knocked to the floor, and that any wind that I had ever possessed had taken me to court, sued me and then declared a restraining order in an attempt to escape from the abuse it had taken from the girl with the yellow hair band. I was somehow able to give Haruhi a response to her indignant question.

"You KICKED me!!"

Granted, it wasn't the most _logical_ of answers, but it was an answer nonetheless.

"Ah, Yuki, so you're here too," Haruhi finally noticed the quiet form standing close by.

Don't ignore me damn it! I'm in serious pain here!

"Why the hell did you decide to kick me anyways!?" Haruhi turned back towards me with an annoyed expression on her face.

"Do you have any idea how boring this place is!? Since apparently I'm a princess of some sort, I'm not allowed to do anything fun! Hell I'm not even allowed to go _outside_! I'm forced to sit on my ass and knit! What the _hell_ have you been up to!? Get me out of here already!"

I stare in disbelief as Haruhi bellows her frustration into my face, then something inside of me starts to chuckle, the chuckle in my mind soon becomes impossible to hide and I burst into open laughter, clutching my already hurting stomach in a futile attempt to lessen the pain.

"Why the hell are you laughing!?"

It took me a while before I finally regained enough composure to be able to explain the reason for my uncharacteristic outburst.

"Knit!? You!? That's something I _really_ want to see!" in most cases, the reddening of Haruhi's face would have been enough of a warning for me to stop laughing and apologize, but although I did try to apologize once I'd noticed her embarrassment, the laughter didn't want to give in just yet, causing Haruhi's face to grow even redder.

"Shut up!" my laughter was abruptly cut short as Haruhi aimed another of her athletic kicks into my stomach, leaving me desperately gasping for breath.

"Umm… what is going on here?" I look up from my position on the floor and realize that the king and queen were staring at me and Haruhi in confusion, Haruhi also seemed to notice the two and frowned.

I'm not really sure what to say, but I have to think of something before Haruhi does, otherwise I might get thrown into a dungeon or something.

"I'm terribly sorry, but it seems as though a friend of mine have somehow managed to possess your daughter by accident."

Maybe I should've just shut my mouth and waited for Haruhi to open hers, but then again, if _my_ answer failed we'd _both_ get thrown into a dungeon, meaning that at least Haruhi would have to suffer along with me.

"Possessed?" the king stared at me with something very similar to anger emerging from his earlier confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about Kyon?" Haruhi also seemed to be somewhat angered about my explanation of the situation, "This is clearly _my_ body."

"Well I admit that it indeed looks identical to yours, but considering that these two have described your usual behavior with the words: 'gentle', 'calm', 'compassionate' and 'kind' it gives me the distinct feeling that this couldn't possible be _your_ body."

The death glare she sent in my direction was enough to send chills down my spine.

"So," she said in a calm voice dripping with terrifying sweetness, "I'm neither of those words, right?"

I swallowed hard, desperately looking for any escape routes. When I found none I turned back towards the demon, that looked very similar to Haruhi, advancing in my direction. Why did I have to open my stupid mouth?

But as I was awaiting my imminent demise, there was a voice.

"Might I ask for your name beautiful young lady?" Haruhi stopped dead in her tracks, Nagato didn't look up from her book, the king's jaw fell open and he and his wife simply stared.

"Do you have to flirt with _every_ girl we meet?" I asked the sword, earlier terror forgotten and replaced with annoyance.

"Only the good looking ones."

Well at least he's honest, I guess that should count for something.

"Kyon… what is that?" Haruhi pointed at the sword, something weird in her eyes, possibly dangerous.

"I have no idea… I just sort of picked him up somewhere…" vagueness and denial are useful tools for someone who knows how to use them, hopefully this would be enough.

"Huh? How come your all friendly with that dragon and yet your denying any knowledge you have of me?" Haruhi's eye twitched and I wonder, not for the first time, if there was any way to shut this sword up.

"Kyon…"

Gah! There's that terrifying sugary sweetness again!

"What's this about you knowing a dragon?"

She's going to kill me! And it's all your fault you stupid flirtatious sword!

"His name is Alice, he's a vegetarian and he enjoys long walks on the beach," Nagato answered, breaking the awkward silence without looking up from the book that she was currently reading.

Haruhi stared at the girl who had just spoken in disbelief, before she turned back towards me.

"Where is he?" it was amazing how she could go from being a demon in human disguise, to acting like a five year old on Christmas.

"A bit outside of town, he said that he didn't want to impose on anyone."

Nagato! Why are you answering her!?

"Let's go!!" Haruhi's face was wearing that billion watt smile again, there was no way we were going to get out of this one.

"Wait!" the king's voice cuts through Haruhi's enthusiasm, leaving her standing in some sort of confused shock.

I stand corrected.

"Who are you people!? Why are you here!? And what's this talk about a dragon!?"

This could end badly…

"I'm Haruhi Suzumiya!"

"Nagato Yuki."

"My name i-"

"And this guy is Kyon!"

At least let me introduce myself! And why must it always be that stupid nickname!?

"As for why we're here…"

Haruhi looks confounded, I wonder if I should give her a hand. Then again, if I did, she'd probably use it to beat me senseless for interrupting the Brigade leader when she's talking.

"The reason for why we are here is currently unknown," Nagato finishes Haruhi's sentence with her usual deadpanned voice.

"As for the dragon, he won't do you any harm, since he's a vegetarian," Haruhi looked over at me with suspicion written on her face.

"How does that work anyway? Aren't dragons supposed to be carnivores?"

"I thought so too, but I'd rather you not mention that in front of him, I'd like it if you didn't somehow convince him that meat is tasty, especially since I'm made of it," a large 'hmph!' noise can be heard from Haruhi.

I sigh, as I briefly wonder where the rest of the Brigade might be.

"Haruhi," she looks my way, curious about my inquisitive tone, "do you know where any of the other Brigade members are?"

"You mean Mikuru and Koizumi?" she looks as if she's pondering the thought, "Nope, not a clue."

How come you seem to be able to say that so damn proudly?

---

As the five of us made our way downwards I can't help but hope for something to come along and distract Haruhi from meeting Alice. Not because I don't trust the peculiar dragon, but rather because, I'm not sure how Haruhi will react to meeting him, I mean, she'll probably be happy to meet him. But how would her doing so effect the world?

As such thoughts pass through my head we enter a garden. Which is kind of strange considering that we're not down on the ground yet, but I guess it's not nearly as odd as most things turn out to be when Haruhi is somehow involved.

"Kyaaa!!" everyone stops in their tracks as something comes flying and crashes into what I can only describe as a haystack, exactly what such a thing is doing here is something that I'm not going to bother with.

There are some random whimpering noises from the person that apparently crashed, exactly what it was they crashed seems to have been a broomstick, which is now lying next to where the body had disappeared under the hay.

Some of these girly whimpering noises sound extremely familiar…

"Asahina? Is that you?" there is some movement in response to my question.

"Kyon?" the female voice sounded very confused, "What are you doing here?"

"Well… there was this… and then Haruhi… it's a long story," Asahina's head finally appeared out of the pile of hay into which she had crashed, "Asahina, are you alright?"

My answer was something similar to a tackle, only it was much more pleasant, maybe due to her weakness in physical attributes or maybe because she had these natural squishy things that sort of dampened the impact. Speaking of which, I seem to have fallen to the ground without noticing it, these naturally squishy things are truly a force to be reckoned with.

I sat there with a crying Asahina in my arms, somewhere in my mind I can feel warning bells going off, but I decide to ignore them in order to comfort the redhead.

From what I could hear through her tears, I learnt that Asahina had suddenly woken up in a strange house, she had been unable to contact the future and in response she did the thing that came natural to her: she panicked.

In the midst of this panicking however, a suspicious looking character, wearing a black robe and a pointy black hat, had shown up and asked her what was wrong. Being already in the midst of panicking, Asahina caved in surprisingly well, although she'd apparently still been using her 'classified information' censor.

Despite this the very 'witchy' looking person seemed to somehow understand that: Asahina didn't know where she was, what time it was – her watch didn't seem to work – nor did she know what she was doing here.

The person didn't tell Asahina his, or her, name, she didn't get a good look at the owner of the pointy hat, but the person told her that she was inside the house of a witch, there had been some panicking at this since the redhead was a little frightened by the thought of a real witch.

In the end however, the 'witchy' person pointed towards a very large book, and told her to open it at a random page whilst thinking of her wish, then the person had disappeared.

Asahina did what she'd been told and found herself on a page with a summoning spell, strange as it might seem this spell seemed to have been designed to summon broomsticks, which she had, after much hesitation, gotten on. Much to her terror, the broom had simply taken off whilst she was sitting on it, and after a couple of hours, of hanging on to the broom for dear life, she had ended up crashing into this conveniently placed haystack.

This story was of course relayed to me in a very quiet voice since Haruhi was still in the vicinity, thankfully it seems as if she's having too much fun examining the broom that carried poor Asahina here, to think about trying to eavesdrop on us.

---

After Asahina had recovered from her terrifying experience, and Haruhi had been convinced that she were unable to make the broom fly and thus decided to return the broom to the Brigade's mascot, we set of on our way towards the dragon.

Needless to say, the sword had tried flirting with Asahina, but he stopped after realizing that she was scared of any object sharper than a butter knife.

Once we finally arrived at the castle's great hall, which you needed to pass through to go outside, we were greeted by some guards who seemed to be busy with something, but once they spotted the party marching towards them they stopped talking and one of the guards stepped forward.

"Your majesty, there is someone here that wishes to talk with the princess," he seemed to imply Haruhi.

"Eh? Someone wants to talk with me?" the girl who was in some ways equivalent of god looked curious at the thought, "Show me."

She sure knows how to demand things of people, I'm not sure if that's a good thing though. The guard looks at the royal couple a little nervously, probably hoping for a confirmation of the princess's order. Once he gets it the guards step aside and reveal a charming young man. A smiling young man. I should've guessed.

"Yo, Koizumi," I say, loud enough to carry across the distance that separates us.

"Kyon! Stop acting so laid back about this!" Haruhi seems to be a little upset about my choice of words.

"You know this man?" the guards look at the two of us curiously.

"Yeah, he's the vice president in the SOS Brigade!"

"He's a friend," I cut in as they stare at Haruhi in obvious confusion.

Hopefully, he'll also be able to give me some sort of hint of how we're going to get back home.

---

"My suggestion is for you to somehow convince Suzumiya that this world is unfavorable to her."

"And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Maybe it would be enough to repeat what you did the last time Suzumiya tried to recreate the world."

"Please don't remind me of that event," besides, even if I kissed Haruhi again, it would only enforce her favor to this world.

"Anyway, I believe that only you, who is trusted by Suzumiya, can convince her to return to our world."

Would it kill you to look serious every now and then, that smile is pissing me off.

A sudden thought strikes me. How do you convince an eccentric girl to give up on a world filled with knights in shining armor? Simple, you make her dislike the idea of knights in shining armor. Now the question was exactly how you were supposed to pull that off.

Besides Haruhi believes that this is a dream, right? That means that she probably wants to experience as much interesting things as possible before waking up.

And this time she'd brought the entire SOS Brigade with her, meaning that she wouldn't end up missing her friends.

Wait.

Haruhi brought the entire Brigade here, I'm also pretty damn sure that she likes me considering that time in the closed space, and she believes that this is all a dream. I'm pretty sure I can use this to my advantage somehow.

As another thoughts hits me, I repress an involuntary shudder. Disturbing as the option is, it'd _probably_ work.

"Koizumi," the ESPer turns around to face me, a quizzical look on his face, "I think I've got an idea on how to make this world unfavorable to Haruhi, but I'm going to need your help."

---

"Koizumi," I say as I grab the other boys shoulders, "the truth is that… I love you," something in between a sort of choking noise and a gasp can be heard from Haruhi's direction.

Koizumi looks at me in surprise, a blush spreading across his face. Finally he regains some of his composure and manages to stammer a response.

"Kyon… I… I love you as well," the part gasping, part choking noise is louder this time, a clear indicator that Haruhi isn't dealing with this situation very well.

Let's hope that she really believes that all of this is just a dream, otherwise she might kill both of us later for doing this.

I don't think I've ever been so disturbed by a situation in my life. I mean, I've been terrified before, Asakura still gives me nightmares every now and then, I've also been extremely embarrassed, most of these were a direct result of Haruhi's actions, and I spend most of my time being exhausted from things which were usually Haruhi's fault, I've even become angry enough to seriously consider rewriting the world, this was actually Nagato's bosses fault, not Haruhi's. But I've never been so _disturbed_ by a situation before.

These are the thoughts that pass through my head as my face hovers unsettling close to Koizumi's. Maybe I should've spent some more time trying to think up some better idea? Oh well, there's no turning back now.

"Koizumi," the ESPer flinches slightly at the mentioning of his name, "may I kiss you?" Koizumi nods hesitantly in response, maybe he should try getting a professional acting career.

"NOO!!" Haruhi's yell cuts through the air as if it was warm butter facing a newly sharpened guillotine.

"Gah! My ears hurt! Why the hell do you have to be so damn loud Haruhi!"

What?

How come that ceiling looks so familiar?

I would have pondered this realization more if gravity hadn't chosen that particular time to grab a hold of me, sending me crashing to the floor.

Ouch.

I'm _never_ doing that again, _ever_. I suppress a shudder, and do my best to crawl back into my bed, hoping that I'll be able to sleep, but knowing that I probably won't be able to.

I just hope that Haruhi won't vent all of her frustration out on me tomorrow, because I'm _really_ tired.

---

**A/n: As of yet this is probably the fanfic that's taken the longest time for me to write. (I actually started on this **_**before**_** I started on "A place to call 'home'")**

**Anyway, I hope that you've enjoyed this.**


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